The problem: I have this psychological condition where although I am totally attracted to women and they are completely attracted to me mainly because of my dashing good looks and pleasing personality, they (the women) find it difficult to put up with me on the long run. From what I have gathered, this is as a result of my annoying antics of making everything a joke and making their life too trivial for their liking. Apparently, women want to be cared for VERY MUCH. I for one am a supporter of the gender equality thing that what a man can do, a woman can do better, so I tend to see carrying women as fragile vases made of glass as disrespectful to their more realistic abilities. For me, what normally starts out as a true attraction to a woman of my dreams ends with a text message saying “ I feel I should protect myself from you; your use of sarcasm is hurtful and unnecessarily so. Moreover, its tough to be open with someone when all they do is throw it all in your face” (yes, someone said that to me). I have come to the conclusion that there is a part of me dedicated to ruining every chance I get at being happy with a woman, ESPECIALLY if I like her. The funny thing is, I’m a total darling with guys. We get along pretty well, they understand me completely and I can prove this because I’ve had the same best friend for over 6 years. So basically, I have bad luck with maintaining a relationship with women but I experience long-term success in my buddy-ship with the guys.
The Solution: I deceive everyone that I am now gay. The force of nature realizes that since I am gay, my wheel of fortune should be turned against men instead of women. This will then give me the opportunity to finally have a long term relationship with the woman of my dreams and ruin all friendships with males, except the ones that were secretly gay, with whom I won’t be able to be friends with because of my demise. But I won’t care, all I want is to be with the woman I really love and all my male friends can go light matches underwater. Ha-ha! Sorry force of nature, I win!!!
*Doing the happy dance that mysteriously resembles twerking*