Ever since I opened this blog, I cannot think of any post that reflects the title of the blog itself in any way. I decided to do a recap of all I have written and even though they reflect part of who I am, they fail to show in adequate clarity what I hope to accomplish by the creation of this cyber-social diary; I actually want to attain perfection.
Perfection in itself is an ambiguous word, one with which many choose to refrain from, due to its, for lack of a better word, absurdity. Nonetheless, I, as always, have chosen the most absurd of goals to be mine. I have received a lot of stick for my choice and some people I consider close to my heart have opened up to me and said I am on track for a head-on collision with disappointment by the time I find out that there’s no such thing as perfection. From my side of the canyon, I believe that their myopic view of my choice is not because of how impossible the subject at hand may seem, but in their lack of understanding of the term itself and the meaning I give to it in my heart.
I see perfection, not as a word describing the very precise arrangement of entities, but as a word describing the precise arrangement of self, both within and without. In other words, perfection, for me, is creating an acceptable and practical way of seeing the world I interact with daily both in my thoughts and in my words. I appreciate the analysis that everyone is different in their very special way and my pursuit of perfection entails me, spotting what makes me stand out in the world and using it to appreciate it as my safe haven. But when I read through my previous blog posts, I have done nothing but concentrate on the world outside me rather the world within; I have missed the point and for this I apologize to everyone out there who ever had the displeasure of reading such a disorganized blog; I’m sorry I wasn’t all I said I was.
My sudden decision to reminisce on my past comes as a result of routine, and unfortunately, a routine I have chosen to ignore for far too long. My pursuit of perfection is meant to portray what I like to call ‘my journey to the promised land’; a land flowing with deeds of great pleasure and content in those deeds. It should follow through all my challenges and how they either beat me up or were crushed by my resilience. My pursuit has nothing to do with how comical I could be at writing, or how creative I could be at photography, or how awful I am at story telling, my pursuit is meant to be about me; my life and my journey. Though I must concede that I indeed do have an artistic tendency, I have, against my better judgment; given in to the curiosity of my scientific mind and I do not intend to look back in any way. That said, I hereby relinquish any fiber of my more creative being that would try to stop me from attaining eternal bliss in the field I have set to mind. I refuse to be distracted by the intriguing nature of flash fiction challenges, photography and real-life comical displays on this blog. I am, from now on, a journal blogger only.
The way I have put it may make it seem like the earlier installations on this blog have been a total mistake or that I was previously abducted by a slightly demented mind, which is nevertheless not true. I would like to point out that in a way, my previous posts have a role to play on the outlook of this blog and on my nature as well. They signify my complexity and entanglement, in that they show the struggle in my heart by two giants who want to take utter control of my living soul. I am a clutter of both hidden and expressed talents but I’m afraid the onset of this blog, much like many other things in my life, caught the unfortunate twist of my duality; the comico-artistic one, when that was not the premise for which it was laid. Perhaps, all these go a long way to show my level of indecision and discontent with either side of me or maybe the urgent need for control of these bipolar traits. The most important inference to be made from all the clutter I have spilled is that: I believe in re-inventing myself now and again; fine-tuning my existence so I am a little more than a scab on the surface of the earth but now, I created this blog for one reason and one reason only; to find my place, my position, my niche among the greats and at the current level I am, I can only utilize one part of me and ‘funny’ is not that part.
It is with such great discontent that I apologize to all those I have misled; those who came here looking for a story, but found a silly article about Prince William and Gareth Bale. Those who came here searching for inspiration but instead found a picture of lights, which were out of focus. Those who came searching for a story but instead found a piece telling a woman to stuff her children with pipecuronium. I have failed you as much as I have failed myself, but I vow to never lose touch of my reality anymore; that I have come here for a purpose and a purpose I must achieve.